| | |  | | Ron Jeremy has 19 DVDs and 16 Scenes on American Vice! |
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| American Vice Review: And now we've hit rock bottom. Ron Jeremy's novelty wore off a long time ago, after he whored himself out to any TV show or movie that would take him. The guy is a laughingstock, and nobody in porn valley wants to work with him. He's done. Hiring the Hedgehog to fuck on-camera is like giving Robert Parrish an NBA contract. You can't help but feel bad for Tabitha. Tackling the twofer of Brian Surewood and Ron Jeremy? I mean, come on. She's a crappy actress, but there's no need to punish her THAT cruelly. |
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Scene 3 | | | |
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| American Vice Review: Briana Banks would have been the life of the party were she actually alive. Even as comatose as she is, most of the guys still prefer her to Alana and Nikki. But for every set of tits in the world, there is a man willing to fuck them. Nine times out of ten, that man is Ron Jeremy. He's able to handle Nikki and Alana at the same time - not a bad feat for a geezer his age. It's not like either of them is a handful. As far as porn star threesomes go, this is quite tame. |
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Scene 3 | | | |
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| American Vice Review: These days, seeing Ron Jeremy in a movie is no longer a mark of quality. (Was it ever?) He's a circus act, a sideshow freak, but still the "Hedgehog" nonetheless. Actually, to look at the guy, I'm thinking more like woolly mammoth. It's bad enough that Kandi is eligible for Social Security and still struggling to maintain her sexuality after menopause. If I wanted to see people that reminded me of my parents fucking, then I'd go to a swingers' club. |
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Scene 4 | | | |
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| American Vice Review: I thought that Whitney Wonders looked slightly out of place in this movie. Turns out, she's the only big titted whore who Elizabeth Starr could find willing to fuck Ron Jeremy. I love it when the plot comes together. Sure, it has nothing to do with the actual storyline. But it's painfully obvious that this was a loose adaptation to begin with . . .a reimagining, if you will. Rather a shame. I was finally starting to dig this flick. After two quality scenes, you would figure they would end on a high note. Instead, Ron Jeremy forces his one-handed clamper into Whitney's pussy any which way that he can. The options are limited given his massive girth, and I definitely ain't talking about his cock. |
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Scene 6 | | | |
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| American Vice Review: It should come as no surprise that this scene between Daphne Rosen and Ron Jeremy was cut from the theatrical release. Who wants to see Ron Jeremy fuck anyone these days, even if it is a porn whore as enticing as Daphne? Though she sports the smallest breasts in this production, hers are the closest resemblance to natural amongst any of the cast. That's the way Russ would have wanted it. Just in case you ever find yourself engaged in a heated match of porn trivia, it'll benefit you to know that this is Daphne's third appearance in an AVN award-winning "Big Bust" production in as many years. It's not hard to see why. Even though her co-star is Ron Jeremy and the sound is completely muted, she still delivers an enticing performance in its most basic form. |
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Scene 4 | | | |
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| American Vice Review: Since none of the other women in this flick would even go near Ron Jeremy, Elizabeth was forced to bring in a mercenary whore from overseas. Minka spent most of the 1970's providing comfort for G.I.'s in Da Nang. Thus, she never got a chance to see any of Ron's legendary work. In fact, she's not even sure what American money looks like. Minka thinks that the bills he throws down on the table are her scene payment. A couple thousand dollars to rub one out on a rack of enormous tits? That fall from the top of the sexual hierarchy must have kicked Ron all the way down into the "unfuckable" class. |
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Scene 5 | | | |
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| American Vice Review: Only a shot at "The Hedgehog" could adequately do justice to the zaniness of this movie. I mean - who better than Ron Jeremy to play the role of the "perfect big dick" in a flick with no credibility whatsoever? It's like a metaphor for his entire career. He's the epitome of a lazy American president. With his hairy back and fat gut fitting precisely over the crest of Misty's ass, it's reminiscent of Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky floundering about on the floor of the Oval Office. Even painted green with purple hair, Misty is still way hotter than that sea donkey. However, I imagine the timeframe is much the same. Misty and Ron don't even make it ten minutes before they're basking in the glow of his girth and Misty's remorse starts setting in. Now I feel remarkably similar having watched this thing until the bitter end. |
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Scene 4 | | | |
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| American Vice Review: There's definitely only one monster in this movie, and it's the Hedgehog himself. Though I wouldn't have cast it any other way. In this flashback, we find Ron Jeremy and Shanna in the throes of passion . . .er, science, as she donates her body to aid his work. Wow, women will really give that cookie up for just about anything these days. The scene is slightly annoying because it's all in black and white - not to mention, Ron is in it. Shanna's tan lines look hilarious in monotone but not remotely as hilarious as his gut. It's a gimmick sex scene. Please tell me that none of you would actually watch this seriously? |
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Scene 1 | | | |
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| American Vice Review: What the fuck is this? It's like the van that time forgot. Actually, it's more like porn star purgatory. If you don't have a successful career and suddenly die before winning an AVN award, then you're cast down with these degenerates. Believe me - a couple hundred years of driving around in a van with this crew of has-beens is enough to cleanse anyone's soul. This scene is living proof that Candy Apples will pretty much fuck anything that moves. In therapy groups, this is what they call "rock bottom." Dave and Ron's lack of sex appeal is greater than the sum of their parts. Even Candy looks like shit. It's like they've formed some kind of greasy, foul smelling, sexual cesspool, and they're all wallowing in it. Then . . .some stuff happens. Stick around until the end to see Ron Jeremy try his hand at physical comedy. |
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Scene 5 | | | |
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| American Vice Review: The director must have searched long and hard to find a whore willing to not only fuck Ron Jeremy - but to do so convincingly (while eating cake off his cock). It just so happens, that whore is Alexandra Nice. She certainly lives up to her name with this one. It's hard to imagine any woman being truly stoked to fuck the hedgehog in this day and age. Even if he does still have sort of a pitiful, used to be famous, swagger about him - she's dodging belly pubes every time a part of her body comes close to his dick. I suppose that's why a paycheck is the great equalizer. |
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Scene 5 | | | |
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| American Vice Review: This is the role that Ron Jeremy was born to play. He gets to sit around, look fat, eat fried chicken, talk in a funny voice and fuck a beautiful woman. Hell, that's pretty much what he did his whole career anyway. The only difference is that this time he has to wear a wig and a gold jumpsuit. He seems to have difficulty staying hard with a condom on, but Adajja's lips around his cock helps a bit. She probably could have gotten him harder, if he could stop shaking from the strain of trying to stay upright. It's not the scene either of them will want to be remembered by, but it is a chance to see the "hedgehog" in action. |
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Scene 3 | | | |
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| American Vice Review: Leave it to Rob Black to show me the lowest point ever filmed in porn until Gia Paloma got donkey punched (and even that is a judgment call). Alana Evans giving a blumpkin to Ron Jeremy. Seriously, I talk about porn a lot, and I couldn't have imagined something that disgusting to answer the inevitable question, "What's the grossest thing you've ever seen?" Well, at least now I have a great answer. You know, it wouldn't be that bad if it weren't for the all the farting and talk about holiday shits. Once they move to the bedroom, it's practically a love story . . . a love story between a man and a woman who share the commonality of both having tits. |
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Scene 4 | | | |
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| American Vice Review: Sometimes women get into porn that have no business ever being naked with another person. In a perfect world, they wouldn't ever get naked even by themselves to save the rest of us any chance of a mental image. However, it is also human nature to stare at a train wreck, and that's exactly what Gaynor is. So what does a moviemaker do when he's faced with a practically unfuckable fat chick? He calls in a "specialist." These are guys whose careers have slowed down to the point where they are just happy to be getting work. Enter Dick Nasty and "The Hedgehog," Ron Jeremy. There isn't an ass in existence with enough cellulite to keep these guys from getting paid. They probably would have DP'd her for a higher rate, but that was deemed a serious safety hazard. |
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Scene 3 | | | |
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| American Vice Review: The original pussyman, Ron Jeremy, gives Christy a lesson in pussy licking, and she gives the hedgehog a lesson in clit control. She lies on the bed and begs to be fucked. There's no flaccid cocksucking here. Ron leaves to get undressed and comes back ready to sink balls deep in her pussy. This isn't just sex - this is a lesson for every couple on how to keep things fun in the bedroom. Not only does Christy learn the lost art of the "helicopter," which Ron calls "around the world," but also she develops magical powers of making Ron's cock jump at the snap of her fingers. These two combine for a great doggiestyle. Then he rewards her with a "pearl necklace" for having such gorgeous tits. Scenes like this are why Ron Jeremy and Christy Canyon are both adult film royalty. |
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Scene 6 | | | |
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| American Vice Review: This is vintage Ron Jeremy. Fucking wise, I'm not so sure you want to see the bitches he's boning, but the dude is a hilarious fucking actor. Just think of it in the context of a televangelist railing the choir on live television. This isn't the type of scene you watch for its sexual content. You'll probably watch it just to say you saw Ron Jeremy in action. Finally, Laura cuts loose on one more soapbox rant before it's all said and done. This is about as political as porn gets, but I fear the message was wasted on such a piece of garbage. |
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Scene 8 | | | |
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| American Vice Review: There is a reason why Ron Jeremy is such a legend in the industry. Despite being one of the most repulsive human beings to look at, he's an incredible actor with a stroke that's unmatched. The dude just doesn't miss lines. He's always funny, and somehow it all ends up being sexy. Watch the master in action with Tamia, a little black cutie. She's a giggler and even seems a bit star struck by "the hedgehog." Despite his fat gut getting in the way of the shot from time to time, the action is still hot, especially once they get to anal. Tamia doesn't seem to be a very experienced porn star, or perhaps she's just a really good actress. The more they fuck, the more I'm inclined to lean towards the latter. However, she does lose some points on the cumshot for fearing the power of Ron. |
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